don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
