If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
