remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
