The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
