she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
