you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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