i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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