Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
