Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
