Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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