Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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