I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
