May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
