is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize