I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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