I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Randomize
