apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
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There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
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Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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