What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
