so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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