I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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