didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
