yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
