We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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