She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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