hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
