lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
