I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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