he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
