I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
