Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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