The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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