It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
