I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
