i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
