when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
