I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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