then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
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Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?