i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
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I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
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Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.