Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
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But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.