Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me