Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????