4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
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i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
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We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.