I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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