where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
