these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
