Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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