mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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