My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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