thus making me awesome and them whores
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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