I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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