is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
