New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
foreskin is a definite game changer
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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