Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
