Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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