Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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