Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
