Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize