Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
