I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
