yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
