i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
