i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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