We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
