Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
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i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
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Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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