you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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