Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
