Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
