i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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