Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
