judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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