Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
