but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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