Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
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I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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