he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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