Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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