rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
