Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
