Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
