bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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