What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
