so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
