Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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