Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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