Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I still have a little drunk in my system
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
