Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
