Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
