I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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