I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
