Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
