He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
