Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
