capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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