yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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