i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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