What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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